Not Go-Go-ing Anywhere Just Yet

 

FB_IMG_1492127212514

 

Alex “Lex” Hui has been in a few dangerous situations while working as a Go-go dancer in The Castro. He has been chased by a stalker after a nightclub event, and had to escape by climbing a fence that resulted in cuts all over his body. But what is Hui most afraid of?

Aging. Hui has been professionally dancing since he was 18, and will be 40 this summer. Hui loves his job as a Go-go dancer because it keeps him feeling young, healthy, and alive. With his birthday nearing, Hui is dreading the thought of being another year older.

“At the party store I came across the 40 decorations,” Hui said. “I couldn’t even touch it. I don’t want to accept it.”

Hui has been dancing for over 20 years and has thought about retiring his dancing shoes a couple of times. But he is hesitant to give up the job that has made him the person that he is today. For it was dancing that made Hui come to terms with who he really is, and started to live his life according to his truest self.

With his petite stature, standing at about 5’5, Hui is always noticeable in a crowd because of his “I’m here!” attitude. His black hair is combed over to the left side, and he is almost always wearing form fitting clothing that shows off his arm and leg muscles that he works so hard for.

Growing up, Hui was confused about his sexuality. Though it is hard to believe now, since he is such a friendly, talkative, and bubbly person, Hui was once a shy person who kept to himself. He was unsure as to who he was, and wanted to be like his male buddies. At the same time knew he felt different than them.

Hui’s family on the other hand knew all his life that he is gay. It was kept hush hush, but everyone was aware. In fact, Hui never officially “came out” to his family.

When he was 18, Hui felt more comfortable and started going to gay nightclubs. He was approached by the club manager, who told him that he would be perfect for a dancing job. And that was how Hui got introduced to dancing at nightclubs, bars, and events.

At first Hui tried to keep dancing a secret from his parents, but they turned out to be very supportive of his new career. Around the age of 21, it was no longer a question whether Hui was gay. His mother, Cossette Hui, is his number one supporter.

“Dancing is an art,” Cossette said. “I’ve always been proud of him. When he’s on the float during the gay parade, I’m so proud and always say, ‘That’s my son.’”

Cossette has always supported whatever made her son happy. According to her, she knew Hui was for a long time, even before he came out. She caught school kids making fun of her son, calling him derogatory names, and she would confront the kids and stick up for her boy.

Hui’s mother knows the dangers that can come with her son’s job, like being followed, having stalkers, and possibly being assaulted at any moment on stage, so she is very protective of him. She sleeps earlier in the day so that she will be awake just in time to sit in the living room and wait for her son to come back home after each night of dancing. She likes that he decided to come back home to the Bay Area.

When Hui was younger, dancing brought him to various places outside of The Castro. The most interesting place he worked in was Las Vegas’ Chippendales from 2002 to 2004. Hui worked as a host and dreamed to be one of the performers, however his height prevented him from accomplishing that.

It was the same problem when Hui tried to pursue modeling. He started modeling at the age of 12 at shopping mall fashion shows. He made the cover of Playgirl magazine in 2002, and wanted to be a high end fashion model. Managers told him, “We wish we could stretch you!”

So when modeling fell through and Hui gave up the dreams of walking on runways abroad, dancing professionally brought Hui back to the Bay Area from Los Angeles. Even though he’s been in the dancing industry for a long time, he still gets butterflies right before performing. His favorite event to dance in is the Pride Parade, because it is usually for a cause like AIDS, and he likes to show his support and help raise money.

Friends know Hui more for what he does off the stage than on the stage. Dancing keeps Hui young and aware of his figure, so he is always working out and staying active. His friend, Max McDaniel, knows that dancing is the perfect profession for Hui because he has the right type of energy for the job.

“When Lex walks into a room, you know he’s there,” McDaniel said. “His energy is high, he’s always involved, and working as hard as anyone I know.”

Dancing is a competitive line of work, and Hui is concerned about the younger crowd of new dancers. They compete for hours and the attention of the audience, and Hui doesn’t know if he should give it up and let the younger dancers have their moment.

Still, something in Hui wants to keep going. He has spent a couple thousand dollars over the years on all his outfits. From leather shorts to sporty revealing tops and bottoms, Hui has an outfit for every themed event.  He enjoys the thrill of dressing up and being the center of attention, keeping the crowd going, and living the bachelor life.

Dancing made Hui realize who he is, and it acted as an outlet for him to express himself. He knows he eventually has to give up dancing, and is now trying to embrace his age and where dancing has brought him in life.

“Until someone says, ‘Who wants to see that old Go-go dancer in that box?!’ is when I’m going to give it up,” Hui laughed.

Advertisements

“I made room for this love, how foolish me,” -Wale

Here on LoveYourzStory, I don’t only feature people’s love stories with happy endings. Life isn’t always a breeze where you find the love of your life on the first try. There is always going to be heart break and stories that people would rather not tell.

Luckily, Ulysses was open to sharing. He has been cheated on in 3 relationships and just can’t seem to catch on to the lies. Unfortunately, these experiences has molded him to not care about females anymore because he fears he will just get hurt.

One thing that bothers him is giving his loyalty and trust to someone who will just betray him in the end. So he doesn’t even give anyone the benefit of the doubt because he doesn’t want to waste his time.

“When I date a girl I give them all my time my energy and effort and dedication so that each time I get cheated on it just kills me,” Ulysses said. “And after a few I just can’t give anyone that much of my time because I am scared to get screwed over again… I feel if I’m going to be in a relationship they deserve all my time and love but that’s hard to do now when I’m being screwed over multiple times.”

To avoid getting hurt, Ulysses just hooks up with random girls and kicks them to the curb in the morning. He is okay with this type of living for now because he got out of a relationship over a year ago, so he’s just enjoying the single life.

Until the right girl comes along who deserves his time and loyalty, Ulysses is chillin’ and living up the bachelor’s life. And there isn’t anything wrong with that. Different situations make people switch up. He could be wallowing in his sadness, but instead he chooses to live his life. He’s not looking for anyone to complete him or fix him, he’s just doing Ulysses.

Cheering Them On

20150611_213249

Abdallah first met Gabriella on the SFSU cheer team. At first, Abdallah was interested in someone else who encouraged him to join the team. However, things kicked off for Abdallah and Gabriella 2 months later where they went to a cheerleading competition in LA and had to share a bed. On the car ride home, they sat next to each other and talked the whole way through. When they got back to San Francisco Abdallah asked if he could take her on an official date. The rest is pretty much history.

Abdallah is Filipino and Egyptian, so his father is strongly against him dating Gabriella because their religion. But Gabriella’s family is accepting of Abdallah. Her mom adores him.It was hard for Gabriella because she at least wanted his father to meet her first and then make judgement from there, but he is against the whole relationship.

While living at home, Abdallah was tired of having to be home by a certain time because of his parents’ strict rules. He told his father face to face that he was dating Gabriella, and his dad was not having it.
“So we were both taking about moving out, but not with one another,” Abdallah said. “By now we’ve been dating for a year or more. We both had our own group of people we were going to move in with but both our plans just started to fall out. Before we knew it we were the only 2 people and ended up moving in together.”

Telling his parents was not easy. His dad was furious that he was moving out, and on top of that with the girlfriend that did not share the same religion as them. His dad refused to talk to him or a few weeks, and Abdallah didn’t want to talk to him either because his dad wasn’t calm.

It has been a few months since he has moved out and his relationship with his dad has gotten better. His dad wants him to move back home, but Abdallah is on the fence because he wants to save money if he were to move back home, but the couple both feel like it would be a step back from all the progress they accomplished already.

Abdallah and Gabriella are both totally in love with each other. So whatever happens with the living situation, they are confident they will make it work.

When I asked Abdallah what he would do if his parents never accepts the relationship and are not supportive in the future if they want to get married he said, “If I want to marry her, I’m gonna marry her.”

The Skateboard

Alex Bautista and Mark Navarro have been dating since the 8th grade! They have literally grown up with each other and hit milestones in life together.

Mark enjoys skating, and it has been his hobby for a while. He was even skating in the 8th grade when he met Alex. She really liked that he could skate and they hit it off from there.

Fast forward almost 6 years later and they both have grown so much since the first time they met each other, that they look back and reminisce on how skating really helped their relationship.

“We obviously didn’t drive back then, so he would skate to my house to come see me,” Alex said.

When she said that Mark laughed, “Yeah on that big hill!”

Without his skateboard Mark would have to travel great distances to make it to Alex’s house ( which by the way is in a gated community that sits on the steepest hill of all!). They attended different high schools and Alex remembers how Mark would skate to her house and be there by the time she got home. That’s pretty hard for a couple of teenagers that are trying t maintain a relationship with no means of transportation.

They both plan to move to San Jose together next fall where Alex will be attending SJSU and Mark will be attending a nearby community college. They are excited to finally get their own little place together and be more independent.

Mark works a lot now a days and doesn’t skate as often as he used to. But they like to look back at how far they have come along and it wouldn’t be possible without Mark’s skateboard.

 

The Workout

Chris Barous is a Skyline student that frequently works out at the gym. His love for fitness originated after the break up with his long time girlfriend.

After Chris’s deployment in the Army, he moved to the Bay Area to be with his girlfriend. He left everything he knew in Florida, the place where he grew up. Chris told me that he didn’t know anyone else in the Bay Area besides his girlfriend, who then turned into his ex girlfriend.

Chris thought the gym would be a great outlet to let out all of his stress and get his mind off of the break up. He thought the first step would be to work on his appearance, to build his self confidence again.

Working out not only makes him feel good health wise, but also on the outside. He stays and works out at the gym on average from 1-2 hours everyday.

One word of advice that Chris had to offer me was: “Don’t move anywhere for anyone. Make sure it’s for you and not just for the other person. Don’t make the same mistake I did.”

 

 

Never Have I Ever…

It’s funny how the people you meet in life can lead you to the person you marry. This was true for my “Tita Lola” Rhonda Zulueta. She is on the left in the photo above. Rhonda is my dad’s cousin, so technically she’s my aunt, but we have that kind of relationship where we can basically joke around like cousins. Hence her name “Tita Lola,” which means “Auntie Grandma” in Tagalog. ( I wish I could insert 10 laughing emojis right here)

Rhonda and Jackie were friends for 4 years before they decided to pursue a relationship with each other. Jackie is actually Rhonda’s ex girlfriend’s cousin! Crazy! It all started when Rhonda was going to go to New Orleans with friends. She needed “practice” with drinking because she didn’t want her friends and sister to think she was weak. She drove to Stockton and played “Never Have I Ever” with Jackie, where she revealed her feelings for her.

After that incident, Jackie didn’t respond to Rhonda’s texts for 2 days! But only to find out that she wasn’t ignoring Tita Lola, but was hungover from the game. They decided to date a while after that.

“I knew she was the one when I asked her to be my girlfriend and when I saw how she interacted with Damian (her nephew),” Rhonda said. “My mom and sister liked her too. They never liked anyone else. She was always the one I ran to and I could trust.”

They lived together and dated for 4 years before they got married.  The day after Christmas Rhonda decided to propose. She left the ring box in the car and asked Jackie to get her lunchbox and meter out. Jackie was so fixed on finding the meter that she didn’t even notice the box!

“I had to grab it and show her the ring,” Rhonda said. “It took her a minute to realize what was happening.”

I remember when Rhonda messaged me on Facebook asking for my address so she could send us an invitation to her’s and Jackie’s wedding. I was so happy and low key honored that we were getting invited. We come from a huge family, my great grandparents had 10 children and those children had on average 7 children each. So inviting everyone in the family would be like having a guest list of 1 million.

It’s crazy how everything turned out. A failed relationship ended up giving Rhonda a wife. I’m so happy that Rhonda has found someone who makes her so happy. Rhonda is so selfless and family oriented, so it makes me glad to know that both their families approve and love them together.

Family Business

Most parents want what is best for their children. When you’re young and dating, your parents’ say can have a big impact on how the relationship goes. For instance, how late you can stay out, if they like your partner or not, or if they’ll even let you be with someone.

This is the struggle of my best friend April Padua. I basically grew up with April. We went to the same school from kindergarten to 8th grade, but became good friends from 4th grade to present day. Since I’ve known her for so long, it seems like we went through the same stages together. I know every major event that has happened in her life as she knows mine. Our parents make small talk with each other every now and then and our moms sometimes carpool together.

In high school April’s aunt made her tell her parents that she had lost her virginity to her now ex boyfriend. I was so scared for her, knowing how awkward that probably is, especially since her parents are very overprotective and won’t let her have freedom.

It’s that kind of relationship where “whatever I say goes because I’m your parent.” For instance, April isn’t going to school because her parents want her to pursue nursing or the police academy. So she feels like it’s pointless to go to school for something she doesn’t even want to do. She wants to go to school for Cosmetology, but her parents think it’s useless because that’s not “where the money is.”

When April told her parents, surprisingly they didn’t react the way we thought. I thought it was going to end in tears and possible disowning, but they were calm about it. They didn’t let her go out much with him though, but it was still more freedom than she expected. When things with her ex hit the fan, it was all bad. Her parents didn’t want her to see him anymore. Her ex was constantly texting her dad to let him see her, showing up at her door at all hours of the day to try to talk to her, and black mailing her.

At the end of the day, she respected her dad’s wishes and ended it for good. She’s now in a different relationship, and her parents are in the way of her having a “normal” life. She has to ask me and  her other friends to cover for her when she’s out with her new boyfriend because she feels like she can’t be open with her parents and tell them. Her and her boyfriend met at work and if me or her friends can’t cover for her, the only time she gets to spend with him is their lunch breaks at work. May I remind you all that she is 21. Her dad drops her off and picks her up from work to make sure she’s where she says she is.

This is causing problems in her new relationship. Her boyfriend feels like she isn’t making an effort to hangout with her. He knows she has parents that don’t let her have freedom, but he doesn’t know to what extent. He acts like it is easy for her to just lie and get away with it, but it really takes planning. It has to be a certain time, because Filipino parents tend to look out the window to see who is picking you up. She tries to go out when her dad’s at work and her mom’s asleep, if not, the opportunity is gone.

“I’m honestly so used to all of this that it doesn’t even bother me anymore,” April said. “But in my head I’m just like, ‘if my relationship is hidden like this and based on lies, is this even gonna be a relationship that’s gonna workout?’ He thinks I don’t try and I do. It’s really not easy. I’m trying to please him and be able to see him but I hate lying too. I’m torn. It sucks I’m 21 and my life’s still unfair, you know?”

I feel for my friend. We used to complain about not getting freedom when we were in high school. Luckily as I got older, my parents got more lenient. My mom is happy when I come home at midnight on a school night. For April, her parents still treat her like she’s in 6th grade.

She understands that her parents are just trying to look out for her. But it is not just for the fact that she’s in relationship and can’t go out. It’s much deeper than that. She feels like she has no control of her life. Her parents caused an atmosphere of resentment. I feel bad that she has to sneak around and put her life on hold because what she wants to do with her life isn’t getting the approval of her parents.

April feels like nobody gets her relationship with her parents. Her dad is so overprotective of her and her mom goes with whatever her dad says. But it’s true. As much as I want to say I know how she must feel, I really don’t. I can relate to some extent but I don’t know the pain she feels when she feels trapped. She learned to bite her tongue and doesn’t even bother to talk back or say her side when she’s getting lectured because she knows it won’t make a difference.

Just recently April’s aunt told her dad about her new boyfriend. Her dad didn’t confront her about it yet, and I’m hoping for good outcomes. She deserves to be happy, experience life while she’s still young, and make mistakes for herself.

To April: I know you’re reading this and feeling a little bummed out. I know one day it’ll get better for you. I know you feel like you’re stuck and sad that you’re 21st birthday is coming up soon and your parents still won’t let you do anything. I hope one day you get the courage to pursue Cosmetology because it’s your life and career. Okay I’ll text you back now. lol.